When to take Siri Seriously

I’ll like the idea of Siri. I’m still not convinced, notwithstanding the lack of UK data and the usual UX shyness issues – you know – how stupid you look talking to a phone when everyone knows there’s nobody at the other end of the line. It’s so dictaphone, of which I’m sure there must be some app, skeuomorphic as hell.

I’ll take Siri seriously, really seriously, when it can help me with this kind of request:

“Siri, I want to order the Kubrick Blu-ray box set when it includes Dr. Strangelove and Spartacus at a lower price than the incomplete box set currently available on Amazon”.

Siri should respond with “Would you like me to place a conditional order with Amazon right now?”

And when both Siri and Amazon get me what I want, having warned me of its impending arrival, I’ll be a happy man, and probably an iPhone 5 owner. Until that time, I’m going to remain a curious iPhone 4 owner.

 

 

iPhone vs Android Antenna

At the RA.ONE premiere at the Greenwich O2 on Tuesday night, my colleague looked unhappy because he was getting no 3G signal on his Samsung Galaxy SII. I showed him my iPhone 4 with its healthy 3G signal. He wasn’t too happy.

Earlier, he had been talking about his pleasure at finally figuring out how to turn off the annoying camera sound on his phone, having delved deeply into his settings. He wasn’t too happy when I pointed out that this was all available instantly, with no menus of any kind on my iPhone.

My friend was gracious though, and I was gentle. I did suggest that his screen was bigger than mine, and that it would be easier to type on such a large screen, but that’s something we’ll have to put to the test another time.

Oh and he had one game on his phone. I have about two dozen and they’re all excellent and were ridiculously easy to find – without having to pile through dross and malware and fakes. I accept that this is a more provocative and possibly less considered point. I am nevertheless happy with my phone and see no reason to change it for anything else for the foreseeable future.

I’m struck with the notion that over a year after its release, the only phone that’s better than an iPhone 4 is an iPhone 4s.

Semantic Auto-Correct

The interesting developments that led to Siri on the iPhone 4s got me thinking – wouldn’t it be great if we had an auto-correct on iOS that was just a little more semantic?

I often type “ate” instead of “are”. If I write “Where ate you?” into a text message, iOS should really know that I mean “are” and not “ate”. It’s not a difficult substitution to make. Who on earth would ever mean to say “Where ate you?”

Then before the upgrade to iOS5, my iPhone insisted on changing “thr” to “Thr” instead of “the”. No matter how many times I dismissed the change, I always got bloody “Thr” as a substitute, whether I liked it or not. And all because I once allowed Thr to stand as a valid correction. It reminds me of Original Sin – the idea that we are still paying for the sins of Adam. A little harsh.

Let’s have better error correction please, because otherwise the iPhone’s only weak point remains that on-screen keyboard on the tiny screen.

My Walled Garden is Unkempt

Previously in my Apple Walled Garden, apart from single issues that Apple never respond to until they’ve [fixed them][1], things have been pretty rosy. The machines just go on working year after year, the [kernel panics][2] occur so rarely that when they *do* happen, they are genuinely shocking. You’re left trying to remember how many months it’s been since the last kernel panic. I don’t remember the last time. As for apps, well, they are robust and you just don’t seem to lose any work.

For the last week or so, things have not been so good.

The Alarms in my favourite timer app, [Due] [3], have stopped ringing on completion.

iCloud seems to be duplicating and triplicating my iCal entries all over the place. I feel like a parent chasing behind a perpetually messy teenager (actually, I feel that anyway, but that’s by the by) deleting the extra entries that sprout up for no reason. It’s 2011 for crying out loud, you’d think that calendars would be smart enough now not to duplicate entries that are clearly duplicates? If there is an entry for a given day proclaiming the anniversary of a given person’s birth, shouldn’t the Calendar be smart enough to prompt you about spuriously reminding you again on a yearly basis?

Mail has started crashing regularly. I’ll just be adding a new recipient, and as the late, great Steve Jobs used to say, “boom” – and it’s gone. Thank heavens for small mercies though, as a draft of the email is usually saved. It’s still enormously disconcerting though.

And my favourite miscreants, [Evernote] [5], who only just got their acts together and provided a clipper extension for Safari after keeping us paying, praying customers waiting for months, have a clipper on their hands that doesn’t work at all. No updates in sight. Have a look at the nice, empty clipper window below.

Evenote clipper

There are other niggles too. I have had nothing but praise for Flying Meat’s brilliant Acorn image editor, and Gus Mueller really, really cares about his customers, but that too has started crashing on me, losing me work.

Of course, all of these people want me to describe the steps taken that resulted in an [error] [4], but the very reason I use Apples is so that I don’t have to worry about crap like that. I just want stuff to work and not get in the way. That’s why I’m on Apple and not using the PC. I don’t want to be a system administrator, I don’t want to be an engineer, I don’t want to be your bloody beta tester. I have paid for your product and I just want it to work. And if it doesn’t, just give me my money back, OK?

The only problem with such an attitude is that a computer isn’t just a product. It’s an ecosystem of frighteningly complex inter-related pieces of software and hardware. So I have no idea if the fault lies with Apple or with the various software vendors, and they all point the finger at each other. It’s a bit like the gas engineer who points his finger at the plumber, who points his finger at the previous plumber, who points his finger at the water company, who point their fingers at the road people at the council, who point their fingers at the electricity company who…. and you are left with nothing but a puddle on your floor and several holes in your bank account.

(n.b. This post was written using MarsEdit, which supposedly offers Markdown preview, which I set, but it doesn’t seem to work. If you see malformed reference links and asterisks instead of italics, that’s another ugly weed in my walled garden for you)

[1]: “Standard Apple Practice is to studiously ignore all complaints until they’ve managed to address the issue. Meanwhile, us loyal Apple users are left gnashing our teeth in frustration at the wall of silence.”

[2]: “Apple parlance for ‘blue screen of death'”

[3]: “I thought about adding an affiliate link here, but if the app’s not working properly, it’d be bad form for me to make money out of your future misery. And anyway, almost nobody reads this blog compared to the old one I did, which is fine, makes it more exclusive, right?”

[4]: “I used your app. It didn’t work. It’s not my job to fix your app. It’s your job. I pay you for that.”

[5]: “Unlike the brilliant Gus Mueller of Flying Meat, Evernote never respond, certainly not on Twitter, despite my paying them yearly, and in fact, they were pretty rude to their users on their forum about the lack of a Safari clipper for quite a while. They complained about not having the resources to address pre-release software, which is fine, but we are paying customers, and on launch, they had their pants down, advising us to use Chrome or Firefox.